she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize