jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
