Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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