She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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