He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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