you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
