I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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