Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
