I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
