I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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