I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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