On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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