Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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