you guys were way drunker than both of me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
