how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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