every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Found the puke drawer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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