if i can run in heels then i can drive
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
