Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
high people should be assigned attendants
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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