so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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