Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
