i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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