if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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