sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
