I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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