Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Houston, we have a blender
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
