So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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