Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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