two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
