Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is my gift to your gina
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
