He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
