he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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