hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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