I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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