Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
