I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
