Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
