my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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