I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
