I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
two words...techno handjob
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
