A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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