So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize