I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So here I am, sexting at work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
