I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
