I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize