she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
