He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
