If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love having hate sex.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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