Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
