yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
