your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
