So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
