he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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