Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
