I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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