worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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