Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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