Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
