I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize