dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
