dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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