i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
