Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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