this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
